篇一：英语搞笑短剧剧本
三打白骨精
Three Times’ Beating Monster
人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒
J：沙僧
B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?
S: Bajie,map!
E: (摸出，递给S)
S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）
T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!
E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)
T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west
E: But……
T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?
E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.
S: Fat Pig!
E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will………. S: You will what(凶相)?
E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).
S: Hm!
T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?
E: You see , boss is hungry,too!
T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!
J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away….. T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?
S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）
J: This is…..?
S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!
T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!
S: Bye!(走)
T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》
B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)
B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?
J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.
B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!
T: Bomb?(打出)
B1: Double King!
T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)
S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)
B1: （倒)Ah……
T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!
S: She is a monster!
T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)
S: Oh,please don’t……
T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)
S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)
T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!
B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆) B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?
T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡) S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)
E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)
J: Look,(伸食指)how many?
T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)
B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊) S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)
T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives! S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster! T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!
S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》
J: boss, brother Monkey is.......
T: Don't mention that guy any more!
B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)
T: （惊）You are......
B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)
B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......
S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.
T: Wukong?
E: Oh,Brother Monkey!
J: Our hero is back!
T: I,I can't understand......What happened?
S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!
T: How,how did you find out?
S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)
T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声) S: What?
T: I'm sorry.
S: Em? Louder,please?
T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏） (谢幕)
篇二：孔雀东南飞--英语搞笑短剧剧本
焦仲卿johnny(j for short)
刘兰芝lunch(l for short)
焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)
刘母lunch’s mother(lm for short)
太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)
强盗burglars(a b and c)
prologue 序幕
(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)
j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my wife is wusong.
译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。 (指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!
译：我才不怕你呢！
(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighborhood. she is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i do not care. i only want her to be tenderer than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)
my god! who can help me?(下)
译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？
act1 第一幕
(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)
jm(拄拐棍上):i can!
(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?
l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?
jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.
l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly. you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy……
l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……
jm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)
act2
(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)
l: mum, i’m back!
lm: you are back?why? what happened?
l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. look at yourself……
l: but, mum……
lm: never interrupt me!
l: mum, i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me to.
lm(大喜): nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market. he said, “if your daughter haven’t been married, i really really want to marry her!” now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)
l(惊愕): what? the mayor’s son? the most famous playboy in the neighborhood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)
act3
(j睡眼惺忪上)
j(边走边道): lunch! lunch! where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty! (突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh, i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. i have to cook for my mother and myself.
jm(上): where’s my breakfast? where’s lunch? hasn’t she got up yet?
j: mum, can’t you remember? lunch has gone!
jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is useless. lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!
j(立正敬礼): yes madam!
act4
(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
a: hey you! stop and listen to us!
the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
c: if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)
ab&c: give us all your money!
j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
a: what bad luck! this guy is broken!
b: if we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!
c: i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liu lanzhi next month. we can go and rob the wedding!
a&b: good idea!
j(惊讶): what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!
ab&c: why? a pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!
j: but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意) i’ve got an idea! you are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? i’ll go with you. you take the money and i take the bride.
b: have you got any experience?
j: no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000) act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(j和三强盗跃至台中)
abc&j: hey you! stop and listen to us!
a: the road is built by me!
b: and i planted one tree.
c: if you want to go by this street---
j: give us all your money!
(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)
l(惊喜万分): johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)
(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒) j(火冒三丈): how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）
(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)
(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you? l(哭状): i hurt a lot!
j: don’t cry baby. i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下) l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)
篇三：英语搞笑话剧剧本(四人)
甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie<Avatar>? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.
乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞
吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?
甲:(作目瞪口呆状),
乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?
甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.
乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)
丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.
甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.
丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many
achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....
甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin
丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.
near, far, wherever you are
i believe that the heart does go on
once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)
and you're here in my heart,
and my heart will go on and on.
甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.
Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise 丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a
question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.
甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?
丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.
甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....
丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah! 甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.
丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!
甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door,
丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.
甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here,
三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right? 丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?
丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?
三人同声:we are past,right?
甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you ....(接电话)What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!
三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!
乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)
甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward
to your progress.Do you have confidence? 三人齐答:yes,we do!
甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!
《大学生英语幽默短剧剧本》出自：百味书屋
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