篇一：简单英语小笑话
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
My little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the newspapers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个 可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
1. He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
篇二：小学英语笑话
小学英语笑话
1)TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
DID YOUR DAD...
2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
—1—
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
— 2—
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
富婆牵狗散步，路遇乞丐。
富婆傲慢的对乞丐说：“你管我的狗叫声爸，我就给你一百元！” 乞丐说：“我要是叫十声呢？”富婆开心答道：“那我就给一千！” 乞丐当即冲狗喊了十声爸，引得观者如云。
众目睽睽下，富婆只得掏钱给乞丐。
乞丐接钱后，连声喊道：“谢谢妈！谢谢妈！！”
和老婆在的士后排座坐着。
车快到的时候，我问多少钱，司机说18元。
老婆就翻包掏钱，我兜里正好有零钱，就掏出一张20元给司机。 顺口对一旁的老婆说：“别找了！”
老婆还没反应，只听司机说了声：“谢谢啊！”
对面的小美女饭量真小，吃面真浪费，扒拉两口就走人。
—3—
于是我正义的把那碗面倒给路边看起来很饿的野猫。
一会，美女回来，手里拿着一瓶水，一脸狐疑的看着那个空碗！
小明呢，明天就要考试，但晚上却在看电视
小明妈妈就担心地问：书都看完了吗？明天要考试啊
小明就爽快地回答：妈，我看完了。
小明妈妈就很开心的赞扬小明：乖，那明天你一定考得很好呢 小明哭着说：妈，我是说，?妈，我看，完了?。
你姓啥？
我姓魏
魏什么啊？
不为什么，我爸姓魏我就姓魏
5岁的女儿让老爸帮她做某事。老爸：“爸爸很累啦，你夸我两句吧，你夸我两句我就又有劲了。” 女儿：“老郑！”老爸：“哎！” 女儿：“你家妞妞长得可真漂亮啊
一个男人非常的怕老婆。一天,他老婆又当着客人的面和他吵了起来,并打了他一耳光。为了面子,男子壮着胆子大吼:“你敢再打我一下?”他老婆毫不犹豫地又打了一下。男子看吓不住老婆,只得说:“既然你这么听话,我就饶你一次吧。”
— 4—
篇三：简单幽默英语小故事及翻译
1
I Don?t Like Her
Bob goes to a new school.
One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks. “I don?t like her, Mother. Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.”
我不喜欢她
鲍勃的去了所新学校。
一天，他回到家，他妈妈问他：“你喜欢你的新老师吗？”
“不，我不喜欢她，妈妈。因为她先说3加3等于6，然后她又说2加4等于6.”
2
Ten Candies
Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”
“Ten.” Jim says.
“Ten？” Mother asks.
Yes, Mum. Four candies are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”
十块糖
妈妈问儿子：“吉姆， 如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？” “10块。”吉姆说。
“10块？”妈妈问。
“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”
3
Where is the egg?
Teacher: Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?
Student: Yes. I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher: Then where is the “egg"?
Student: In the cake, sir.
鸡蛋在哪里？
老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？
学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。
老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？
学生：在蛋糕里，先生
4
Count Tomorrow Morning
It?s a night. John is looking at the sky.
Tom is John?s younger brother. He asks John “What are you doing?”
John says, “I?m counting stars.”
Tom laughs and says, “It?s really dark now. Why not count them tomorrow morning?”
明天早上数
一个晚上, 约翰抬头看着天空。
汤姆是约翰的弟弟。他问约翰：“你在干什么？”
约翰说：“我在数星星。”
汤姆笑着说：“现在天空太黑了。你为什么不等到明天早上再数呢？” 5
It Must Be Crowded
A teacher is telling his students, “The moon is very large. Several millions of people can live there.”
And a boy laughs and says, “It must get crowded when it?s a crescent moon.” 一定很拥挤
一位老师告诉学生们：“月亮非常大，上面能住几百万人。”
一个男孩笑着说：“当月亮变成月牙的时候，住在上面的人该多拥挤啊！ 6
Are Flies Yummy?
Tony and his father are eating dinner.
Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?”
Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it?s yucky. Why do you ask me this question? It?s a silly question.”
But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate.”
苍蝇好吃吗？
托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。
突然，托尼问他的爸爸：“爸爸，苍蝇好吃吗？”
爸爸皱眉说：“我想不好吃。你怎么会问这个问题？这可是一个愚蠢的问题。” 可是托尼说：“刚才你盘子里有一只苍蝇。”
7
“I'm sorry, Madam, but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty dollars! Why , you charged only four dollars for such work before!” “Yes，but your boy yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元！为什么？你之前只收4美元的！”
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”
8
A Good Boy
Little Robert asks his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answers.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太太，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
9
I Made Granny Glad
A teacher is telling her students the importance of making others glad. “Now, children,” she
says “Did you make someone else glad?”
“Please, teacher,” says a small boy, “I made someone glad yesterday.”
“Well done. Who was that?” The teacher says.
“My granny.” The boy says.
“Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.” The teacher says. “I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her for three hours. Then I said to her, ?Granny,
I?m going home.? And she said, “well. I?m glad!”
我让奶奶高兴了
一位教师正在对学生将使人高兴的重要性。“听着，孩子们，”他说：“你们曾让别人
高兴过吗？”
“我，老师，”一个男孩子说，“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”
“做得好。是谁呢？”老师说。
“我奶奶。”小男孩说。
“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的？”老师问道。
《简单的小学英语笑话欣赏》出自：百味书屋
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