篇一：简单英语小笑话
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
My little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the newspapers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个 可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
1. He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
篇二：一个关于英语的笑话
前些日子我从通州回来时，由于正好有空，也恰逢几十家公园、景点今年初实行了免票参观，军博也在其中。就顺路在军事博物馆下了地铁，十多年没去了，里面依稀还有当年记忆中的影子，这一转就是３个多小时。
下午１点，就在我刚下到军事博物馆一层，准备往外走的时候，发现有位大约40岁的男性外国朋友向我这边大声喊“Hellow!”我以为他在和自己的朋友打招呼，没有在意。“Hellow!”他还喊，并向我这边招手。我下意识的回过头，由于这里是一层大厅，临近军博出入口大门，周围进进出出的游客，也并没有人停下脚步，我没觉察出他在和谁招呼。就在这时他已经来到我的面前。不知说了一句什么话，反正我绝对是没听懂。但我判断他应该是欧洲人，他说的应该是英语。我当时心里有点紧张，因为虽然上学时英语还算不错，但毕竟这么多年很少用过呀。幸好我很快反应过来，问了句“Can I help you?”他又说了一句，说的什么我还是没听懂。可是他说话时总指着大厅里的毛主席雕像并且拿出了相机，我明白了他的意思：原来他是想在毛主席雕像前照张相片。我接过相机嘴里应承着“OK OK！”他站到了毛主席雕像的一侧，我调好焦距，由于这一侧离军博入口较近，人比较多，我看准机会，迅速按下快门，但右面还是照上了一为游客的背影。那位外国朋友又说了一句话，肯定是在问照的怎么样。我摇摇头“NO NO！”这时我见另一侧人较少，于是走了过去“Come here please!” 外国朋友微笑着走道主席雕像的另一侧。我嘴里问了一句当年我们英语老师的最频繁用语“Are you Ready ?”他嘴里说着“OK OK！”我按下了快门。一看这张照的还可以。我向他点点头“OK OK！”他接过相机看了看。然后微笑着说了句“Thank you!”这句话我确实是听明白了，但我该如何表示礼貌的回应呢，因为中学时就学过“不用谢或不客气”有两种表达方式，到底现在用哪一句合适呢？两三秒钟我没有说话,同时感觉额上有点冒汗，最后一着急，我紧紧握住了他的手说了一句“您就甭客气了，拜拜！”这一幕现在想起来都还让我觉得汗颜！
篇三：英语幽默笑话
英语幽默笑话
一、学习笑话，开心不累
由于文化背景的不同，西方式的笑话幽默与东方式的往往差异较大。对于英语学习者而言，往往不易领会英语笑话的真正含义所在，比如：“I love animals; they are delicious.”这句话只有在英语世界中才有其可笑之处，因为对我们中国人而言，几乎所有的动物皆可使用，这是中国饮食文化的一个方面，因此没什么可大惊小怪的。然而对于西方人而言，动物是人类的亲密伙伴，动物同样有生存权及发展权，因此那位喜爱吃动物的食客才会沦为笑柄。
笑话幽默是了解一种文化的一个途径和窗口。只有了解他们的文化，才能会心地笑出来。而当你同老外们交谈时，领会其幽默之处无疑也是你必备的一种技能。不要等别人都笑出来之后你才反应过来。
学习英文笑话，不仅可以让你了解他们的文化，与他们沟通更加顺畅，还可以增添你学习英语的乐趣，让你对英语逐渐产生兴趣，而不是越学越烦，越学越难。
此外，英文笑话里面有许多幽默机智的小对话，对口语学习非常有益。学习经典英文笑话，学说里面的精炼对话，用不了多久，你的英语口语就将变得非常风趣幽默，你将成为最受欢迎的人，所有人都愿意和你交谈，所有人都乐意听你讲话。如果一个人说话毫无风趣可言，老外们必然会将你排除在他们朋友圈子之外，因为他们最最推崇的交友原则就是：这个人必须幽默风趣！
二、多说多练，风趣幽默
请跟随老师朗读并大胆讲给别人听，不要害羞，也不要害怕丢脸，因为这次丢脸是为了将来永远不丢脸，赶快行动起来吧！
1.Intelligent son 聪明的儿子
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢？”
“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”
2.Sharing the Apples 分苹果
Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.
So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.
Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.
Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?
妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。
所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。
哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。
对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗？还着什么急呀？
3.Snorer 瞌睡者
The preacher was vexed（生气的） because a certain member of his congregation（集会，圣会） always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After
whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start（吓一跳） , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit（讲道坛） , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。
一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”
打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”
4.Two Pieces of Cake 两块蛋糕
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？
妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！
5.A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒
Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"
Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"
婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？”
他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗？
6.It's not my fault 不是我的错
Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.
妈妈（正教训她的女儿）：你不该拽猫的尾巴。
女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。
7.一分一块钱 A dollar per point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。
考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。” 第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。
8.To Buy a Video 买录像机
Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.
I?m afraid we can?t afford one, sighed his mother.
But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.
How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.
Easy, Mum. replied Amos, I sold the television!
艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。
恐怕我们还买不起，妈妈叹息着说。
可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的录像机。
你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西？妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。
妈妈，这简单， 艾曼斯回答。我把电视机给卖了！
9.Does He Bite 它咬人吗
Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?
Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite?
Reggie: That's what I want to find out.
里基：我们又得到了一条新狗，你愿意过来和他玩一会吗？
罗恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人吗？
里基：这正是我想要查明的。
10.Birthday 生日
Professor: When is your birthday?
Kid: May 30.
Professor: Which year?
Kid: Every year.
教授：你的生日是什么时候？
孩子：5月30日。
教授：哪一年？
孩子：每年都是。
11.How to Become Rich 如何致富
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.
Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.
Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。
姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。
弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。
12.I'm Glad 我很高兴
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?
Please, teacher, said a small boy, I've made someone glad yesterday.
Well done. Who was that?
My granny.
Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.
Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ?Granny, I'm going home,? and she said, ?Well, I'm glad?！
一个主日学校的老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。现在，孩子们，她说：你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？
我，老师，一个小男孩说：昨天我就使别人高兴过。
做得好，是谁呢？
我奶奶。
好孩子，现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。
是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：?奶奶，我要回家了。?她说：?啊，我很高兴！?
13.What Color什么颜色
An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I asked Dad the typical questions: "What kind is it? Does it have a stick shift? Does it have a tape deck?"
"It's a 1982 Toyota," he replied. "It's a four speed, and, yes, it has a tape deck . " Pleased, I asked what color it was. "Well, " he said uncomfortably, " which part?"
作为南卡罗莱那州克莱姆森大学的一个本科生，我囊中羞涩，当我父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车时，我甚是激动。我几乎控制不住我的热情，问了爸爸几个关键问题：“什么车？有没有手排挡？有没有磁带舱？”
“是1982年产丰田车，”他回答说，“四速，还有，是的，有磁带舱。”我甚是高兴，又问是什么颜色的。
“哦，”他很不舒服地说，“你指哪一部分？”
14.One Side of the Case 一面之辞
A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.
"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.
"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.
"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."
一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。
“我的左耳听不见。”那人告诉法官。
“你的右边耳朵听得见吗？”法官问道。那人点了点头。
“你将被允许加入陪审团，”法官宣布。“我们每次只听一面之辞。”
15.Day after Day 日复一日
A teacher was always so involved in the text being studied that he never looked up . He would call on a student for translation and explanation, and-without realizing it-he often chose the same student day after day. Out of respect, the student wouldn't point this out to him.
After being called on four days in a row, a student named Goldberg asked advice from his friends. The next day when the teacher said "Goldberg, translate and explain," Goldberg replied, "Goldberg is absent today ."
"All right," said the teacher. "YOU translate and explain.
一位老师对所讲课文总是非常投入，从不抬头。他常让一个学生来翻译和解释，并且----不自觉地----他常日复一日地叫同一个学生。出于尊敬，学生并不给他指出这一点。
一个叫古德伯格的学生，在被一连叫了四天之后，向他的朋友寻求建议。第二天，这位教师又说：“古德伯格，翻译并解释。”古德伯格回答说：“古德伯格今天缺席。”
“那好吧，”教师说，“那就你来翻译并解释。”
16.A Vacation Cruise 假日巡航游
One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.
Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if they're serving any food on this cruise."
"I don' t know, the second guy replied. "They didn't last year."
一愚笨之人读到一则假日巡航游只须花100元的广告。在他签了字付了款后，旅游经纪人用棒猛击了他一下，把他打昏了过去，并把他从后门扔进了河里。不久又来了一个人，付了钱并得到了相同的待遇。 十五分钟后，这两个人一起向河的下游漂去。第一个人说：“不知道他们这次巡航游是否提供食物。” “不知道，”第二个人说道，“去年是没有的。”
17.A Girl's Name 女孩的名字
When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name
was too masculine（男性的） .
Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.
Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.
女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同一个名字，不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。
几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解释说：你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。
迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。
18.roast pig 烤乳猪
A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: "Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."
一位先生去赴宴迟到了，匆忙入座后，发现自己的座位正对着乳猪，于是大为高兴的说：“还不错，我坐在乳猪的旁边。”这时才发现身旁的一位胖女士正怒目相视，他忙陪笑改口到：“对不起，我说的是那只烤好的。”
19.你太晚了You Are Too Late
On the bus a man discovered a pickpocket's hand thrust into his pocket.
"sorry," he said to the pickpocket, "you are too late. My wife did it before you."
在公共汽车上一人发现一个小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里。
“对不起，”他对小偷说，“你太晚了，我妻子在你之前就做过同样的事情了。”
20.I Could Do It Slower 我可以干得慢一些
Patient: What do you charge for pulling a tooth?
Dentist: Fifty dollars.
Patient: Fifty dollars for a couple of minutes' work?
Dentist: Well, I could do it slower, if you like.
病人：拔一颗牙收费多少？
牙医：50美元。
病人：只几分钟的活儿就要50美元？
牙医：好的，如果你喜欢的话，我可以干得慢一些。
《一个简单易懂的英语笑话》出自：百味书屋
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