篇一：小学四年级英语笑话1
1.we two who and who？ 咱俩谁跟谁阿
2．how are you ? how old are you? 怎么是你，怎么老是你？
3．you don't bird me,I don't bird you 你不鸟我，我也不鸟你
4．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！ 你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！
5．hello everybody! if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!! 有事起奏，无事退朝
6．you me you me 彼此彼此
7．You Give Me Stop!! 你给我站住！
8．know is know noknow is noknow 知之为知之，不知为不知...
9．WATCH SISTER 表妹
10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse'son can make hole!!龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！
11．American Chinese not enough 美中不足
12．one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die 车祸现场描述
13．heart flower angry open 心花怒放
14．go past no mistake past 走过路过，不要错过
15. 小明：I am sorry! 老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three! 老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
16．If you want money,I have no; if you want life,I have one! 要钱没有，要命一条
17．I call Li old big. toyear。 我叫李老大，今年25。
18．you have two down son。你有两下子
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
回答者： 893053124 | 一级 | 2009-2-8 11:48
A farmer has five sons.They are Ted,Bob,Tom,John and Bill. John has no
elder brother. He was four years older when his first younger brother was born. The number of Tom's elder brothers is equal to his younger brothers. Bill will be twenty-one years old next year, and he is five years older than Bob. Bob is two years younger than Tom. Ted was sad because he has no younger brother. There are twelve years between him and John.
一个农民有5个儿子。他们是Ted,Bob,Tom,John 和 Bill。John没有比他大的哥哥，他比第一个出生的比他小的那个弟弟大4岁，Tom哥哥的数量和他的弟弟的数量是一样的（就是他是老三）Bill 明年就21岁了，他比Bob大5岁，比Tom小2岁，Ted因为没有弟弟而难过 Ted 和John之间差了12岁
I work for 7up"! 我可是在七喜公司工作呀
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says,
"Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说: "恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
Five Hundred Times 五百遍
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写?我开车闯了红灯?500遍。”
Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。 母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
It is half past five, School is over . Vicky comes back. His mother is not at home and the door is closed.His brother Jim likes sports. He is playing football in the school.His sister Becky likes music and she is singing with her friends.
Mrs Hyde comes back with a basket on her arm.Vicky sees his mother and runs to help her carry it.They come in and the girl finds there are three cakes in a bag. They are her favorite food and she wants to eat them.
"The other two are for Jim and Becky,"says his mother. "You can have one." "But I am hungry now,Mum."says the girl,"May I have two?" "Yes,you can ."Says the mother,"Go and cut yours in half."
现在是5:30,放学了.Vicky回来了.他的妈妈不在家而且门是关着的.他的哥哥Jim喜欢做运动.他正在学校踢足球.他的姐姐Becky喜欢音乐,她正在和她的朋友一起唱歌.
Hyde太太回来时拿着一个篮子.Vicky看见了他的妈妈然后跑过去帮她拿篮子.他们进来,这个女孩发现包里有3个蛋糕.这是她最喜欢的食物,她想吃.
"另外两个是给Jim和Becky的."她妈妈说."你可以吃一个.""但是我现在饿了妈妈."这个女孩说."我能吃两个么?""是的你可以."妈妈说."去把你的切成两半."
A Supermarket
Near our school there is a supermarket. There are a lot of things in it. You can buy school things, like exercise books, rulers, pens, color pencils, erasers, maps and so on. You can buy drinks, vegetables, fruits, and other kinds of food. Some of them are cheap while some are expensive. On the second floor is the clothing section and there you can find different kinds of clothes.
The supermarket is open twelve hours a day : from 9:00 a. m. to 9:00 p.m. The workers in the supermarket are very friendly and they can help you find what you want.
On Saturdays and Sundays, the market is full of people.
一家超市
我们学校附近有一家超市。里面有好多东西。你可以买到学习用品，比如练习本、尺子、钢笔、彩色铅笔、橡皮和地图等等。你可以买饮料、蔬菜、水果和各种食品。有一些商品很便宜，而有一些却很贵。超市的二楼是服装区。在那儿，你可以见到各种各样的服装。
这家超市每天营业12小时，从上午9：00到晚上9：00。里面的工作人员狠热情，他们可以帮助你找到你要买的东西。
每到星期六和星期天，这里就挤满了顾客。
My childhood was happy with my mother's love. In my young heart, my mother was strong and healthy, and never got sick. She took me to the kindergarten and home every day, in spite of rain and wind.
But one day, after we got home from the kindergarten, my mother went into the bedroom and stayed in bed. I didn't know what had happened. I sat beside her and wanted to cry. My mother said to me, "It doesn't matter, mum has only a stomachache. I will be all right after a while." Although mother said so, I found tears in her eyes because of pain. At that time I knew adults also got ill and cried. I decided I would take care of my mother from then on.
在妈妈的呵护下，我的童年是快乐的。在我幼小的心灵中，妈妈强壮健康，永远不会生病。无论是下雨还是刮风，她每天带我在幼儿园和家之间穿梭。
但是有一天，我们从幼儿园回来后，妈妈进屋就躺在了床上。我禾知道发生什么了，坐在她旁边想哭。妈妈对我说：“没关系，妈妈只是胃疼，一会就会好。”虽然妈妈这么说，但我发现了她疼得眼中含着眼泪。那个时候我才知道大人也会生病，也会哭的。从那时起我决定要照顾妈妈。
Wings
The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, "Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly."
翅 膀
一天，我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现了一阵抢购狂潮，结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时，一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行，他从柜台上靠过身子来，回答道：“女士，我到这儿来是吃东西的，不是要飞！”
Juanita: Hello! My name's Juanita Read.
What's your name?
Song Yang: I am Song Yang.
Juanita: Nice to meet you!
Song Yang: Nice to meet you, too! Where are you from?
Juanita: I'am from Oxford in England.
What about you?
Song Yang: Oh, I come from Xi'an in Shanxi.
Can you speak Chinese?
Juanita: I understand Chinese a little, but I don't speak it very well.
Song Yang: Oh, I understand English a little, but I don't speak it very well! Juanita: Then let's speak Chinglish!
Song Yang: Or Englese!
娟妮塔：你好！我叫娟妮塔.里德，你叫什么名字？
篇二：英语小笑话
校园幽默四则
1. Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2.
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
3.
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said
that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
4.
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates
were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then
hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
经典英语小笑话
1. the lowest grade
"Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero."
"Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give."
最低分
学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。”
老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了！”
2. Real Play
When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance,
one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."
逼真的戏剧
我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。” 本贴来自天极网群乐社区--http://q.yesky.com/group/review-10130234.html TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?
One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and
saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very
pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and
said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.
What happened? Did your father help you?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all
myself," said Tim.
你爸爸帮你了吗？
一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴
，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都
做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？"
"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"
英语幽默笑话
Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
英语笑话故事
1. He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
2. I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What
happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
篇三：英语小笑话
1)TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD...
2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God
says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
开车
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You?er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you sew him
again?”asked his mother.
“I?d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in
my pocket.”
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
10）He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny:
He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
11）Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he
asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE
policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么
《小学4年级英语小笑话》出自：百味书屋
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