篇一：看笑话学英语笑话大全爆笑翻译
1.One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫 回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
2.The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑！”另一个说：“你怎么知道？”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的！”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说！”
Notes:
（1）Looney (俚语）疯子
（2）inmate （n.同住者, 同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）
（3）insane asylum (疯人院）
3.Boxing and Running
Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."
Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."
拳击和赛跑
丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”
朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？”
丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”
NOTE
come up against 遇到一个对手 against表示相对的相反的
4.The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.
So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?"
George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"
典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情，因为每逢周末的探访日，大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访，但是可怜的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。
因此在一个探访日，典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说：“乔治，我注意到从来没有人来探望过你。”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上：“告诉我，你没有任何朋友或家人吗？”
乔治回答：“喔！当然有，典狱长，只不过他们全都在这里面！”
5.Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
6.A shoplifter（商店扒手）51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook（骗子，坏蛋） looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样？”
经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"
7.The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by asentry（哨兵） . When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams（缝合线） . [来自我要看笑话51kxh.cn]
"What's in here?" he asked.
"Dirt," the driver replied.
"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."
Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.
"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.
"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.
Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender（酒保） .
篇二：小学英语笑话
小学英语笑话
1)TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
DID YOUR DAD...
2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
—1—
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
— 2—
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
富婆牵狗散步，路遇乞丐。
富婆傲慢的对乞丐说：“你管我的狗叫声爸，我就给你一百元！” 乞丐说：“我要是叫十声呢？”富婆开心答道：“那我就给一千！” 乞丐当即冲狗喊了十声爸，引得观者如云。
众目睽睽下，富婆只得掏钱给乞丐。
乞丐接钱后，连声喊道：“谢谢妈！谢谢妈！！”
和老婆在的士后排座坐着。
车快到的时候，我问多少钱，司机说18元。
老婆就翻包掏钱，我兜里正好有零钱，就掏出一张20元给司机。 顺口对一旁的老婆说：“别找了！”
老婆还没反应，只听司机说了声：“谢谢啊！”
对面的小美女饭量真小，吃面真浪费，扒拉两口就走人。
—3—
于是我正义的把那碗面倒给路边看起来很饿的野猫。
一会，美女回来，手里拿着一瓶水，一脸狐疑的看着那个空碗！
小明呢，明天就要考试，但晚上却在看电视
小明妈妈就担心地问：书都看完了吗？明天要考试啊
小明就爽快地回答：妈，我看完了。
小明妈妈就很开心的赞扬小明：乖，那明天你一定考得很好呢 小明哭着说：妈，我是说，?妈，我看，完了?。
你姓啥？
我姓魏
魏什么啊？
不为什么，我爸姓魏我就姓魏
5岁的女儿让老爸帮她做某事。老爸：“爸爸很累啦，你夸我两句吧，你夸我两句我就又有劲了。” 女儿：“老郑！”老爸：“哎！” 女儿：“你家妞妞长得可真漂亮啊
一个男人非常的怕老婆。一天,他老婆又当着客人的面和他吵了起来,并打了他一耳光。为了面子,男子壮着胆子大吼:“你敢再打我一下?”他老婆毫不犹豫地又打了一下。男子看吓不住老婆,只得说:“既然你这么听话,我就饶你一次吧。”
— 4—
篇三：英语小笑话大全
英语小笑话大全
1、He Won Tommy: How is your little brother Johnny Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window and he won. 他赢了 汤姆约翰尼你小弟弟好吗 约翰尼他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆真糟糕怎么回事儿 约翰尼我们做游戏看谁能把身子探出窗外最远他赢了。
2、I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked What happened
A kid bit me replied Ivan. Would you recognize him if you saw him again asked his mother. Id know him any where said Ivan. I have his ear in my pocket. 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问“发生了什么事” “一个男孩咬了我一口”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
3、A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday I gave it to a poor old woman he answered. Youre a good boy said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman She is the one who sells the candy. 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢” “她是个卖糖果的。”
4、Drunk One day a father and his little son were going home. At this age the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now he asked Whats the meaning of the word Drunk dad Well my son his father replied look there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk. But dad the boy said theres only ONE policeman 醉酒 一天父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道“爸爸‘醉’字是什么意思” “唔孩子”父亲回答说“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个那么我就算醉了。” “可是爸爸 ”孩子说“那儿只有一个警察呀”
5、Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate. The visitor smiled put the cheese into his mouth and then said: You must have better eyes than your mother sonny. Where did you find the cheese In the rat-trap sir replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时家里没有奶酪了于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿他拿着一片奶酪回到房间把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说“孩子你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪” “在捕鼠夹上先生。”那小男孩说。
6、Nest and Hair My sister a primary school teacher was informed by one of her pupils that a
bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. What kind of bird my sister asked. I didnt see the bird ma am only the nest replied the child. Then can you give us a description of the nest my sister encouraged her . Well maam it just resembles your hair. Notes: 1 inform v.告诉 2 nest n.窝巢 3 description n.描述 4 encourage v.鼓励 5 resemble v. 相似类似
7、鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿老师只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦老师就像你的头发一样。” Ive Just Bitten My Tongue Are we poisonous the young snake asked his mother. Yes dear she replied - Why do you ask Cause Ive just bitten my tongue Notes: 1 poisonous adj.有毒的 2 Cause Ive just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。
8、我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的亲爱的”她回答说“你问这个干什么” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York Citys Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate a plump middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her however she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure she winked at me and said Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet 9、摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下对我挤了一下眉说道“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗”
10、Q: Whats the difference between a monkey and a flea A: A monkey can have fleas but a flea cant have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧
11、Q: How can you most irritate a farmer A: By treading on his corn 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物他肯定会生气的而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”也有“鸡眼”的意思。
12、Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail蜗牛的后背上总是背着一所房子所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢
13、Q: What do people do in a clock factory A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀因为除了这个意思以外它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
14、Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者sleepwalker梦游walk in his sleep呢最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法但如果让梦游者醒着呢他的确就不会去梦游了。
15、He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的 -- 墓地守墓人。
16、Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more uttering. Trust me Sir and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America. 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦最后实在忍耐不住说“相信我先生也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元它们是从美国直接带来的。”
17、my little dog cant read Mrs. Brown: Oh my dear I have lost my precious little dog Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers Mrs. Brown: Its no use my little dog cant read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人哦 亲爱的我把珍爱的小狗给丢了 史密斯夫人可是你该在报纸上登广告啊 布朗夫人没有用的我的小狗不认识字。”
18、Bring me the winner -- Waiter this lobster has only one claw. -- Im sorry sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起先生这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦 那给我那个打赢的吧。
19、The mean mans party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment he said Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open push with your foot. Why use my elbow and foot Well gosh was the reply Youre not coming empty-hangded are you 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说“你上到五楼找中间那个门然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪你总不会空着手来吧”吝啬鬼回答。
20.Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning Johnny and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that Johnny: Well I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other. 妈妈约翰尼我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗 约翰尼嗯我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。幽默笑话
21.A little boy was practicing his violin while his father sat reading the newspaper. The family dog began to howl along dismally. Finally the father could endure the combination no more and said Cant you play something the dog doesnt know 一个小男孩在练习小提琴他的父亲在读报纸。随着小男孩的琴声家里养的狗也开始高一声低一声的叫起来。最后小男孩的父亲实在忍不下去了说“难道你就不能拉一些狗听不懂的曲子吗”
22.The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo How high do you think theyll build the fence I dont know said the kangaroo. Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked. 动物园为刚引进的袋鼠建了一个特殊的八英尺高的围墙。但是第二天早上人们发现这动物在围墙外面蹦跳着。于是围墙高度增加到十五英尺但袋鼠还是跑了出来。动物园经理甚感恼火又叫人把围墙高度加到三十英尺但袋鼠还是逃了出来。一个长颈鹿问袋鼠“你认为他们会把围墙建到多高”
《小学英语简短笑话大全》出自：百味书屋
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